12 June, 2014

Dear Fat, Please F**K Off!!!


Dear Fat,

I write this because we've had an unhealthy relationship for over ten years. For over ten years I have allowed you to grow and sometimes decrease. Mostly, you have grown and we both know that's not good for the both of us. Even the doctor recently said you need to go away.  That's serious fat, that's pretty serious. In six months he wants to see that you have left a part of me, never to return. I'd like to see a whole lot of you f**K off if I'm honest.

Dear Fat,

You are the reason I feel insecure in skinny jeans, often wonder if people are staring at me and make me feel like a complete blob when I enter a changing room with 360 degree mirrors. I f**king hate 360 degree mirrors. For once, I'd like to grab an item of clothing, know that it will fit and it would even be nice if I had to ask the sales assistant for a smaller size. That would be f**king amazing fat, if less of you existed and I got to buy smaller jeans.

Dear Fat,

The funny thing is, I do know how to get rid of you. I know that you hate healthy food and regular trips to the gym but sometimes if I'm having a bad day, work has been shitty and I literally can't be arsed cooking a nutritious meal I'll turn to you. You're always there. At the end of a phone call to a reputable fat delivering service, you are there, within reach. Ya big tease!

Dear Fat,

People say you're dangerous. If I hang out with you much longer I could really damage my health. Arteries could get clogged and disease could creep in. Fat, if we don't break up soon, it could be too late for the both of us. Not on, not sound, not good.

Dear Fat,

If we're honest, we don't get along anyways. I might consider staying in a relationship with you if you lived on my boob-a-roonies, but you don't. You seem happiest surrounding my ass and thighs. Clinging to each one like a protective child. When they wobble, it's you laughing at me. Mocking me. You're telling me that you live in this area of my body and that you want to stay. Well fat, you can f**k right off 'cas I ain't no two bedroom apartment. 

Dear Fat,

In 6 months time there will be considerably less of you. I've decided. It will start slowly, so much so that you probably won't even notice at first. A pound here, a pound there. Soon it will be half a stone, one stone, maybe even two. Yes fat, that much of you needs to find a new f**king home. You might evaporate into sweat or become muscle. Muscle would be good for the two of us, go on fat, become muscle. I promise you'll like it.

Dear Fat,

We're breaking up. I'm serious, I'm so f**king serious I bought cute gym gear and a matching water bottle. Watch out, I am coming to get you. Every.single.ounce of you. I've cursed alot to show you how god damn bloody f**king serious I am. 

Adios!

10 comments :

  1. I love this Rebecca! I have the same struggles! When I try get healthy my body just implodes on to itself! I started running 2 weeks ago and all was going well and this week I collapse in a pile on the ground with cramps in my stomach (and not the lady kind). Its literally my body saying "I don't like you getting healthy so I am going to make your life as difficult as I can"

    Also take it slow is totally the right way to do it, even with my struggles I'm still gonna push through and Im giving myself a full year to get to the level to run a 10k, i hope my fitness levels increase by then.

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  2. Such a great post, I love this angle you've taken with it :) Good luck with your new best friend mr sexygymkit xxx

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  3. Great post, and I feel the same way about my own fat fight. But I also need to say that you shouldn't forget you are stunningly beautiful, and I think that every time I see a photo of you. X

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  4. I love this post, it's how most of us girls feel. You look beautiful and so what if you have a little bit of chub (that we can't see) you seem beautiful on the inside and that is what counts!
    xxx

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  5. I enjoyed reading this so much since I can totally relate to it especially skinny jeans part! But well, who wouldn't love pamper himself/herself with these yummy desserts!

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  6. Great post! Inspiring me to get on it with the gym!

    Love Lucinda xx
    http://thefashionfictionary.com

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  7. You go! I've just found out I have high cholesterol so am having the same internal conversations with myself. I just hope I can find your motivation!

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  8. Oh my gosh... this post! I don't think there's a woman out there trying to lose weight who doesn't relate to this. I have said some of these exact same things in my head at one point or another.

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  9. Love this post! So relatable. I'm telling m Fat to eff off too! I've been hanging around with it too long, time to break those bonds and get away from it for good!
    Good luck! :D

    Emma x
    Writing Essays With Wine

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  10. Brillant and funny

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